My wife has a friend who, like her, is a poultry enthusiast. She will often drive him to the local poultry swap that takes place every month. Paul is in his late seventies and is an atheist. He is very critical of organized religion and takes notice whenever a minister or evangelist gets caught up in some kind of scandal, which only reinforces his belief that religion is a sham.
The poultry swap takes place on a Sunday morning, and Krista will sometimes call Paul up and ask if he wants to "go to church." She really means the poultry swap, but sometimes Paul will be thinking of real church and he responds with one of his favorite expressions. He says, "I'll go to church...up a raccoon's ass."
I've been thinking that this expression is extremely versatile and that I could modify it to fit all kinds of situations.
Sure, I'll go to the committee meeting...up a raccoon's ass. You want me to come to your wine tasting party? A weekly staff meeting, you say? Oh, you're having a brainstorming session down the hall? Teambuilding retreat? I'll go to your teambuilding retreat...up a raccoon's ass.
As I dissect the expression, I think it's a variation on the old proverb that a camel can pass through the eye of a needle sooner than a rich man can pass through the gates of heaven. If I know my scriptures, I believe that's from Ephesians, somewhere around chapter 30 or 40.
Though I suspect that they cleaned it up for the Bible. The common saying at the time would start with one guy asking, "Can a rich man go to heaven?" His friend would reply, with much sarcasm, "Sure, a rich man can go to heaven...up a camel's ass."
Sunday, May 24, 2009
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3 comments:
I find that my lovely wife, Kelly, who is five years younger than me, often will not catch my funny little "callbacks" to jokes past. For instance, just yesterday, I remarked that "she looked marvelous." I left some time for the laughter, but it never came. So I said, "Wow, Kelly, you seem like a decent fellow, don't you know? Still, no laughter. So I pulled out my number one stunner, "I'm just a wild and crazy guy!" Just five years. And she had no idea what I was talking about. This guy is 70? Perhaps the "up a raccoon’s ass" is an old vaudeville catchphrase or the punch line to a Buddy Hackett joke? Either way, you can take that line and hang it and your ass from the barn door.
I don't think it's just age, I would also guess that it has to do with when you were allowed to start watching late night television. In your case, I'm guessing that your parents gave up on you very early in life and decided that tv seemed to be the only thing that kept you calm. Maybe they didn't realize that you would still be haunted by Billy Crystal catch phrases.
Where's the second one from, about being a decent fellow?
The "decent fellow" line was often applied to Pat Sajak, host of "Wheel of Fortune" by Ed Grimley, an unnecessarily geeked up, triangle toting Martin Short.
And my parents still monitor my television viewing habits very closely.
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