I spent New Year's Eve at the home of my friends Tony and Amy. They live with a family of hound dogs that are quite friendly but also very alert. When I awoke on their couch the next morning around 8 am, the slightest noise would set them off a-barkin. I decided that since it would probably be a few hours before any sane person woke up, that probably the best thing for me to do would be to leave a note and slip out before the dogs woke everybody up.
I scraped some ice off the car and headed onto the highway, snow spitting at my windshield. I pulled onto the four-lane, listening to a podcast and settling in for a long drive. That was when I was struck by the sudden realization that maybe I left too hastily. Maybe I should've used the facilities before I left.
I then went over my options. I was a little too far to turn around and go back to Tony's. Then I thought, well, I could stop at the truck stop in about fifteen miles. No, better make it the gas station visible from the highway...better yet, the next exit...even better, the absolute next place where it is legal to drive cars off of this highway.
In short order, the podcast was turned off, I was driving like a maniac, and scanning the roadside for shrubery or cover of any kind. There was a lone napkin on my passenger seat. It had no significance the night before. I didn't even know it was there. Now, I looked at it with some relief...and also horror.
Great, I thought. This is really how I wanted to start the year 2008: crouching on the roadside with my pants down, sleet pelting my face, cars roaring by, clutching a yellow Wendy's napkin. No, I was more determined than ever to start the new year with some dignity.
I sped up and breathed slowly in and out. The next exit turned onto another four-lane, but I took it. Still no decent shrubery. Ran a red light without even blinking. Turned off onto another road, and in the distance, appearing like an oasis, a Sheetz gas station. I screeched to a halt, double-timed across the parking lot, managed a smile to the cashier on my way through the store.
To top it off, Sheetz gave me a free cup of coffee in honor of New Year's Day. A free cup of coffee and a little dignity, to be spent later in the year.
Friday, January 11, 2008
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8 comments:
God Bless you, Lou.
I would have shit in the most opportune place nearby, especially roadside in Ohio. Sheetz is however an oasis we Texans are deprived of. We actually have to asimilate a vernacular to convey our intentions of purchase or other various transactions among the indiginous. As opposed to the "Yes, Thank you.", we are more inclined to .....anyway, we, of course say "Yes, Thank you", but I've yet to see the innovative impersonal MTO sandwich ordering technology here in Tejas. When, I ask? When?
-Bud
This is, obviously, why I only eat Colonel Sanders. It comes in those buckets, of which I have quite the accumulation in my back seat.
But I'm glad you made it.
Is this blog on your CV?
There was a time, Bud, when I basically ate breakfast at Sheetz on the way to work and "dinner" (two chili-cheese dogs, chips, and a coffee) on the way home. I've finally broken free of that cycle.
And yes, this is on my cv under "Scholarly Publications." Why do ask?
Not a big fan of the "MTO", Bud. My first experience with one was in November when Lou and I were driving up to Chagrin Falls for the yearly poker game. It took me a long time to figure out how to use the piece of shit and finally Lou got a bit frustrated and hit some buttons for me. Finally, I stood there for like 3 minutes waiting for my sandwich only to find out it was sitting on a counter for 2.5 minutes. No one bothered to tell me it was done.
A little human interaction can go a long way.
Plus it tasted like shit.
-David
Dave, how did you ascertain it had been on the counter for 2.5 minutes?
Lou, did coffee really seem like a good idea after this experience?
It was decaf coffee, Mike, with room for Schnapps. It calmed my nerves and made the snowy roads seem more fun and less dangerous.
The schnapps goes without saying, Lou. I simply meant that coffee is a well-known regularity inducer.
I just somehow published the same comment twice on your dance post. Blogger is making me look like a fool!
Mike, I came to 2.5 minute because after grabbing it I noticed that it seemed like it took only about 30 seconds for them to make something. So if I was waiting there for 3 minutes I am guessing that 30 seconds into that wait my sandwich was done.
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