Supko and His Insurance Buddy

When I think about "Not My Kid," my thoughts are never far away from the time my high school health teacher, Mr. Jay Supko (below we see him pondering new and innovative teaching strategies). Supko brought in an insurance agent to talk to us about the dangers of drunk driving. The insurance agent started his talk by reviewing all the ways that we might drunk.

"You take that shot of whiskey and it BURNS all the way down! [bending at the knees, pinched face, acting it out a bit] Or you drink that cold beer on a hot day, and it's just sooooo nice and refreshing. Or maybe wine." I remember wine got short shrift. I don't think he was a big wine drinker, but he felt like he had to include it.

Krista reminded me of Ben Stiller's brilliant "Magic Key for the Magic Boy" speech on the Ben Stiller Show. It was very much like that at first. But then the insurance agent said, "Let me tell you what's going to happen if you drink and drive."

Death? Paralysis? Disfigurement?

He said, "Your insurance premiums will skyrocket...by at least 100% during the first year after your citation. Plus, you probably won't be able to switch insurance because other companies won't want you. And do you want to talk about court fees?" And that sort of thing. Meanwhile, we had just got our licenses and didn't give a shit about insurance.

My guess is that Supko and this guy occasionally went out drinking together, and this guy--let's call him Buck--Buck said to Supko late one night at the bar. "Jay, I bet I could reach those kids. I know you got a fancy teaching degree and all that. But I'm going to be real with them. That's what they want. Somebody who will talk on their level. I'm going to tell them what I wish somebody had told me before I got my first DUI.

"You know what, Jay? I am going into that classroom. But it's not 1988. It's 1978. And I'm going in there to talk to Buck when he was seventeen years old. When he had dreams! When he was going to do big things. Before that night when everything turned around for old Bucky."

Supko wipes his beer-soaked mustache on the shoulder of his sweater vest and replies, "I can dig it, man." But he's really thinking, "That could kill 15 minutes...maybe even a half hour."

Not George Segal's Kid

Every once in a while I remember something from my school years* that teachers and administrators did that seemed normal or possibly a bit odd at the time, but in hindsight I now realize they were "mailing it in." Rather than actually present us with a well-thought-out lesson, they grabbed something that was handy. Maybe it didn't quite fit, but what the hell?

I believe it was one of those times when they showed us "Not My Kid," a TV movie from 1985 starring George Segal and Stockard Channing. I'm assuming they had to be in the movie to fulfill some court-ordered community service. Nancy Cartwright (aka Bart Simpson) was also in it according to imdb.com, but I'm not sure if she was the daughter or not.

In the movie, Segal's daughter ends up getting addicted to crystal methamphetamine and cocaine and various other drugs that were, of course, a plague on New Cumberland Junior High in 1985. The movie revolved around Segal's refusal to believe that his daughter did drugs even when the cops told him what was going on. When his daughter hits bottom -- and I forget how what they looked like -- he finally realizes that he needs to get her some help. So they take her to a fancy new rehab program in California, and she gets better.

"OK. Let's turn the lights back on. What did we learn from this? Your children, for those of you who have gone through puberty and are able to reproduce at this point, might become addicted to drugs, and you should enroll them in a reputable rehab program. Even those of you who don't have any pubic hair, someday you will, and someday you'll have sex. If that results in procreation, try to think ten or fifteen years back to when you saw this movie. Hopefully at that time you won't realize that I was up late last night watching Monday Night Football and drinking beer and had to come up with something at the last minute for today's assembly. Thank you," said some teacher (who may have "passed" by now).




*Though I'm technically still in school, I use this phrase to refer to high school and before.

My Favorite Concerts - Top 5

5. Guns n Roses / Aerosmith, Civic Center, Wheeling, 1988

I believe I was sixteen when we made this journey down to Wheeling. Greg drove the Fairlane down, and while there were a lot of people that went, I think only me, Tony, and Joe rode along with him. I think Sean drove separately. It was something of an Oak Glen High School reunion in the parking lot. I recall that we had a couple of beers, which got us into a rebel's state of mind. At the show, Greg and Joe, who was on crutches, went to the upper seats, but me and Tony went down to the floor and ran to the front. Mercifully, this happened back when GnR had to get on stage on time rather than make everybody wait for hours. I remember loving GnR, but Aerosmith impressed me as well, especially the ten minute all-over-the-stage drum solo. When a drunk, topless girl sitting on a guy's shoulders fell off, the gentleman Scott Mills helped her up and copped a feel. Tony and I staggered out of that show with shirts literally drenched in sweat feeling like we'd fought a war.


4. Bruce, Benedum, Pittsburgh, 1996

The "Ghost of Tom Joad" tour was the first time I saw Bruce solo, and it was everything I wanted. The album came out the previous November during deer season, so I drove halfway back from Wetzel County trying to find a place to buy it. It was more produced than I wanted it to be, but I was immediately obsessed with it. We all went to the nearby Seventh Street Grill before the show. I believe I sat next to Benji, and I don't think Brad was there. Mike and Aunt Liz sat up near the front. I remember "Reason to Believe" as did the "border suite" of "The Line," "Across the Border," and "Sinaloa Cowboys," I believe. But the real treat was the very special version of "Promised Land" with Bruce beating on the front of his accoustic and pounding on the strings rather than strumming them.


3. Willie Nelson, Salem, OH (Ponderosa), 1995?

It is appropriate that I don't remember the year of this show. David and I began drinking early and didn't let up all day. At about 11 a.m., we met Dave's biker friend and some of his compatriots at a place in Salem called either the Green Mill or the Gin Mill. After drinking thee for a while we headed over to Ponderosa Park where we bought some 1/2 twelve packs at the concession stand. They were selling twelve packs cut in half with a box cutter. We sat on the grass drinking beer and bullshitting for a long time. It was one of the rare times that when I got up to walk to the bathroom, I almost fell back down and felt like I was out at sea, weaving my way to the bathroom. The place filled up with people, and when the first chords of "Whiskey River" started and the flag of Texas unfurled it was glorious. But what it made it a show to remember was that Willie played encore after encore. Waylon had been scheduled to play with Willie (and God knows that would have been incredible, but Waylon was ill). So I think Willie tried to make up for Waylon's absence by playing an extra long set. Old people started filing out of the amphitheater after the second encore, and I made my way to about the tenth row. By that time, the crowd was very sparse and those who remained were just standing and watching in awe. The last song he did was "A Song For You." It started very quiet, and Willie, I felt, sang it for the diehards.


2. Violent Femmes, Blue Note, Jefferson, MO, 1994

In the Fall of 1994, I was getting ready to graduate college and felt very out of place. I was living in Summitt Hall -- a private dorm for losers, foreign students, and people who weren't going to be at school the whole year (like me). I had a Japanese roommate, a Japanese neighbor--who I befriended and later had an emotional shouting argument with in the cafeteria--and we spent a lot of time with some Colombian women that we didn't know. One day I thought, I've got to get out of hear and see the Violent Femmes. I found out that they had already played all the nearby venues and that my last chance was Missouri. So I called Brad, who's always game, and we left Dayton at noon or something the day of the show. We misjudged the time it would take us to get there, so sped at 90 mph the last hour or two through MO. We arrived at the Blue Note, a cool old theater, an hour late (10 pm) and the show hadn't started yet. We got a beer and found a good spot in the crowd. The Femmes marched in from behind us playing a trombone, trumpet, and snare drum. The showed kicked an incredible amount of ass. They played until 1 am. I remember when the moshing reached a fever pitch, Gordon said, "You kids play nice." This was the "Add It Up" tour, so they played all kinds of old stuff that was on the CD. Since I didn't have "Hallowed Ground," this concert was the first time I heard "Never Tell." The whole band was just in rare form, tearing it up, and leaving us spent. We then got right back in car and drove about ten hours back to Dayton, and I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation as the sun came up. I kept seeing a barn coming out of the fog in the middle of the highway and thought we were going to drive right through it. It usually turned out to be an overpass.

1. Bruce, Three Rivers Stadium, 1985

I didn't know shit about Bruce Springsteen. I remember seeing on a Sunday morning news show some clip from a recent concert and talk of him becoming a sensation. Then songs from Born in the USA started to get lots of airplay, but it was not until the show that it all hit me. Three Rivers Stadium was a horrible venue for concerts. Later I saw The Who and the Rolling Stones there, and it was underwhelming. But that cool evening in 1985, Bruce captivated everybody in the crowd. He had a way of including the audience, getting us to sing along, pump our fists, and stuff that may sound silly but was awesome. The highlights for me that night were "Trapped," "Cover Me," and "This Land Is Your Land." He was able to go from larger than life with the first two songs to very intimate and quiet with the Woody Guthrie song. That concert flipped a switch inside me at age 13 that changed the way I thought about music. My only complaint was that I ended up with a ridiculous looking white sweatshirt because everything else sold out. After the show, my dad got into a shouting match with some guy pushing his way through the crowd that ended with threats and the other guy saying, "I'll be waiting for you on the other side of the bridge!" But that's a blog for another time.

My Favorite Concerts - Part 2

10. Bruce, Seeger Sessions, Blossom, 2006
The Bruce regulars attended, including Mike, Aunt Liz and Linda, Jami, Kelly, and Brad. From the time the upright bass on "John Henry" kicked in, I knew it would be a great show. He played "Into the Fire" for a soldier killed in Iraq, and "Bring 'Em Home." There were a couple of dipshits in front of us, which seems to be a Cleveland thing. Toward the end of the evening, he played a crazy version of "Ramrod," which I would love to hear again.

9. Bob Dylan, WVU Coliseum, 2001
Me and Brad went to Mo-town for this gem. Piss poor seats near the top of the Coliseum, but a great, great show. A pretty long show, and he was really on. I first saw Bob in 1993 with David at the Syria Mosque in Pittsburgh, and it was dreadful. I then saw him a couple of times in the next several years, but this was the first time I really felt like Bob gave it his all. On top of that, Brad and I were speculating what he might do for an encore. Jokingly, Brad says, "Country Pie," and lo and behold -- he comes out and plays it. Magical it was.

8. Mojo Nixon, Nyabinghi Morgantown, 1997-1998?
This was particulary particularly memorable for two reasons. First, a bunch of us went to Pittsburgh the previous night to see him at Rosebud. Second, I took a piss right next to Mojo (at the urinals in the men's room), and he was singing Joe Strummer. He said, "Sorry, I'm just in a Joe Strummer mood." I asked him later if he would sing, "If I Can Dream," but he said, "I don't know...(singing) dream! DREAM!...[cough] I don't think the vocal chords are up to it."

7. Tom Waits, Louisville, KY, 2006
Of course roughly waiting fifteen years to see Tom in concert will get you in the mood. I had a disturbing dream ten years earlier after "Mule Variations" came out that I got to see him in concert, but he brought out a mule wearing some kind of canvass diaper. He then, in the dream mind you, reached into the diaper and started throwing mule shit at the audience. Luckily, the real concert did not resemble this in any way. Greg and I went to a bar before the show and drank some expensive beer. Then we formed a line a half mile long to get into the theater, and me and Greg took turns running to a street vendor to buy cheap, cold beers. Tom did not disappoint. He played very few old songs. I kind of thought this might be a "best of" type tour, but he acted like he'd never stopped touring and played mostly new stuff with some "best of the last ten years." And he needed nothing special to create an atmosphere. Just some lights shining up and creating huge shadows on the curtain, a six inch riser in the middle of the stage, and Tom Waits.

6. Warren Zevon, Odeon Cleveland, 1996 (Dr. Baby, girl, German song)
I think I've got the year for this correct. There are a few shows at the Odeon that kind of blur together for me. General seating, a bar the length of the place, and standing room for a few hundred souls. According to this website, Warren played there March 7 and October 27 in 1996. I may have seen him there twice. I remember Tony, David, and me talking about "Mutineer" on the way there, and Tony said he disliked "Something Bad Happened to a Clown." David said that he hoped the concert was nothing but "Something Bad Happened to a Clown." He was still opening his shows at the time with "Splendid Isolation" on a twelve-string, I believe. He was so polished and rough at the same time, and charismatic as hell. If he had said, do you guys want to drop everything and ride around in a tour bus and get wasted for the next ten years, I probably would've ran up the bus steps. When there was a sound problem, he started pounding on a random key for a sound check and transitioned into a German song that started with that note. He sang the whole thing in German, too. I may have conflated another show, but I believe at that same show, Dr. Baby, the sax player (I don't even remember what song he played sax on) came out with saran wrap on his face. And there was a random blonde woman who came out and sat on the piano bench with Warren as he sang "Werewolves of London," but she got mad when he changed the lyrics to something like "...Jimmy Buffett got mutilated late last night..." I don't think he played "Something Bad Happened to a Clown" though.

There was just something about Warren's spirit as much as his music. A knowing grin, a cool cynicism, a cocky stride, and a really infectious attitude that he had unlocked some secret to how to live life. And he brought us along with him. There'll never be another Zevon. If you'll excuse me, I believe I need to have a drink of bourbon and listen to "Piano Fighter."

My Top Fifteen Concerts - Part 1

Sometime last year I made a list of all the concerts I've attended, and I picked the top fifteen. Originally it was going to be the top ten, but there were some notable mentions I needed to include. Here's the first five:

15. Ramones, Metropol, Pittsburgh, 1994?
Me and David went to this show in the Strip District. Their stage presence was so simple: t-shirts, black leather jackets, and sneakers. And they just ran through one song after another and another and another, with almost no pause between them. As I recall the crowd wasn't too rambunctious. And every once in a while the guitarist and bassist would step up onto the speakers for emphasis...and then step back down.

14. John Prine, Capitol Music Hall, Wheeling, 2003
I know Krista was there, but I can't remember who else. I can't remember if this was before or after the Iraq invasion, but it was right around that time. John changed the lyrics to "Illegal Smile" to say "I dreamt the police heard everything I thought, what next? So I went to court and the judge's name was...Ashcroft," which got a lot of applause. Then he said George W. Bush was making all his songs popular again and played "Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore," which got a huge ovation.

13. Elvis Costello, Blossom, Cleveland, 1995/6?
Me and Mike sped up to 90 mph to get to this show on time, and I got a ticket on the way, which along with two other tickets in Ohio that year landed me in court. This was the Brutal Youth tour, and Elvis was in rare form, tearing up on guitar solos. And, thanks to Mike, we had awesome front row (or damn close to it) seats. And it was the first time I saw Elvis in concert.

12. Bruce, Devils and Dust, Cleveland, 2005
This was a particularly moving solo show. Bruce cut off half of a basketball court, and Krista and I had excellent seats near the front. The rest of the gang included Mike, Jami, and Aunt Liz. Bruce played a lot of reworked old favorites including "Reason to Believe" just using some kind of amplified stomping pad and a blues harmonica. He pounded on his accoustic guitar filling the arena with thunder claps. And he closed with "Dream Baby Dream" by the Suicide something or others, and it reminded me of a David Lynch kind of song. It was almost hypnotic.

11. Bruce, Meadowlands, NJ, 2000
This was a reunion tour show in Bruce's home state. I remember having terrible seats at the back of the arena. Brad, Mike, Aunt Liz, and I made the drive over and met up with Mike's friend Kelley and her husband as I recall. This was the first time since 1985 where I saw Bruce and the E Street Band, and they played a great combination of Bruce solo stuff with the whole band and old favorites in a new way. They played a song off of "Born to Run" that I had never seen in concert, but I'm struggling to remember if it was "Backstreets" or "Jungeland" that night.

To be continued...