Cecil Mike and His Discomforting Questions

Cecil and Doug Mike rode my bus for a while. Doug was a small, dirty, and nefarious character. In my memory, he wore the same striped convict-like shirt every day. Cecil was his older brother, and I picture him in poorly fitting brown pants with a tight t-shirt and a hint of a mustache. He was the meaner of the two. Plus they both cussed like sailors. And this was when they were elementary school students.

I remember one time on the bus ride home Cecil approached me with a strange question: "Would you suck my dick if I washed it ten times?"

I was startled to be sure, but I sensed the set-up. "I would not suck your dick no matter what," I replied.

"Would you suck my dick if I washed it twenty times?" he continued.

"I would not suck your dick under any circumstances," I replied again.

"Would you suck my dick if I washed it a hundred times?"

So here I was having a conversation with a filthy, vulgar, mustachioed elementary school student, and we were talking about whether or not I would suck his dick. I remember thinking something along the lines of "Have you no shame?" What kind of person would speak about this, and loudly at that, asking another boy if he would suck his dick, even if it were a set up for some kind of joke.

"I wouldn't suck it no matter what!" I was getting frustrated.

"You dirty cocksucker!" he finally replied, even though I had thwarted the joke, he still shoe-horned the punchline in and sat back in his seat triumphant. But I think I was relieved not to be talking about his dick any more.

Next time: More stuff about male genitalia at school

The Bag of a Coach

I dedicate my blog to Mr. Coe's scrotum. Mr. Coe was my elderly geometry teacher in junior high. He was also my basketball and football coach.

I recently joined a gym, and when taking my first shower I started remembering all kinds of shit about junior high--the last time I was naked in front of a bunch of other men...or boys, really. After the first football practice, Mr. Coe and the assistant coach retreated to the coach's cage in the locker room. After most of us had showered, they both sauntered out of the cage naked with towels over their shoulders. I remembered thinking, "Oh. The coaches shower with the...Man! THAT is a saggy scrotum. I wonder if mine will be that saggy when I'm his age. I should probably look somewhere else now."

Two decades later, I could picture his sack, hovering before me like it was yesterday. But, surrounded by strangers, naked strangers at that, I had no one to share the moment with. That's when I thought, this is why blogs exist.

Hopefully I'll be able to capture in detail each and every wrinkle of these odd moments as they descend from out of nowhere onto the top of my head, bringing back warm and fuzzy memories of years past.

I don't know whether Mr. Coe is alive or dead, but his saggy bag and all the other saggy bags of my formative years will live on forever in my blog.

Here's to you, Mr. Coe.

P.S. - Fuck you for making me sit the bench practically every minute of every goddamn game.

Transylvanian Lou

This is a picture of me atop Dracula's castle in Bran near Bresev, Romania.

Evolution of Crappin (the website)

I'm making progress. David and I have set up blogs on blogger.com. We are in the process of linking them to the website.

I can also create user accounts for editing the website. If you want one, just let me know. Also, you are certainly invited to create your own blog on blogger.com and link to our website. I think the easiest way may be through the ftp link option when you create your blog on blogger. So let's all get to bloggin.

Hopefully, we can learn how to make the home page more pleasing to the eye as we go along.

Lou

Tryin' to figure out fancy stuff

This darn internet is so friggin fancy that its workings all but elude simple West Virginia hillbillies like ourselves. But I'm workin toward a vision I had one time a-drinkin moonshine lookin at the stars, and I'm on the verge of gittin there.

Lou