Clear Beer and Hungarian Hookers

I promised Bud a blog on Romania. I thought I would begin with the Hungarian beer: Dreher. It was not what I was expecting. I was thinking that the beer there would be thicker and darker than Dracula's dungeon on a moonless night. This was one of many, many misconceptions about the land of my ancestors. Instead, Dreher is a very light pilsner, like the beer a peasant would drink after forming haystacks all day.

Mike and I went to a couple of bars in Budapest, Hungary, before we left for Transylvania and after we returned. I can't remember which we went to before and which after. The first one was directly across from the Hilton. It looked like it was closing down for the night. There were two women at the end of the bar talking to the bartender. We clumsily ordered two beers and started drinking them. The place seemed to have a Morrocan flavor to me. Arched doorways, some stucco, tile floors, and maybe a sultan for a bartender -- or maybe that's just the way I want to remember it.

One woman approached Mike, and I can't remember exactly how the exchange went but I remember there was some confusion. Here's a slightly more elaborate and coherent version of what happened.

Woman: Yonaput kivonik! [something else in Hungarian, indicating she wanted us to light her cigarette]
Mike: Yonaput kivonik.
Woman: [something in Hungarian; indicates she wants us to light her cigarette]
Both of us: Oh! Sorry, we don't smoke. [pause] Or speak Hungarian.
Woman: Oh, yes? American? You want friend?
Mike: Yes, we're friends. Cousins actually.
Woman: [quizzical look, long pause] You want friend tonight? Yes?
Mike: Oh! Friend! God Yes! I thought you'd never ask. Let me escort you to the alley beside the bar. I thought I saw some shadows back there. There are some things I want you to do to me that we may not have words for, but I think I can pantomime them. [They leave arm in arm, and Mike does not return for several days.]

Or did it happen like this?...

Woman: [quizzical look, long pause] You want friend tonight? Yes?
Mike: Oh! No. No, no, no. No, we're just drinking. We're here for the beer. Just talking! [Now, shouts to the bartender] We're just here to drink! [points to his glass, nods and holds glass to lips, smiling] Drinking and talking over here! [Turns and smiles at other people in the bar] Just here to drink beer and talk! We are NOT soliciting sex from prostitutes! Barkeep! Two more Drehers quickly! See? We just want more beer!

Or another possible ending...

Woman: [quizzical look, long pause] You want friend tonight? Yes?
Mike: No, we just want to play darts!
At that point, Mike throws a dart that misses the board and lodges it in the wall. Conversations in the bar are suddenly hushed.
Mike: Maybe we should get out of here? Louie, I think that if we walk quickly we can make it over the moors without incident.
Louie: But what about all the rumors? Didn't you hear what the old woman said? She said...
Mike: Don't listen to these superstitious prostitutes. What could go wrong?

Next time. Read as the loveable but ignorant Americans make there way from Budapest to the mountains of Transylvania, making humorous missteps along the way...starring Mike!