My friend Matt from Utah, aka Utah Matt aka Matt the Mormon aka Big Love, recently commented on my Sex Ed Nazi Style entry about some wonderful but stange goings-on at his elementary school. Hearing from him reminded me of the strange phenomenon of weightlifting alter egos because of a story he told me years ago.
Recently when I joined the Eighty Four Fitness gym, the 84 Lumber employees who frequented the gym on their lunch hour were always talking about Mongo, using it both as a noun and a verb. "Mongo's going to go crazy when I tell him how much I lifted." "Did you Mongo today?" And so on.
Finally, I asked one of the guys, "What or who is Mongo?" He told me that one of his co-workers had a "weightlifting name" for himself. He called himself Mongo. I didn't find out if he referred to himself while at the gym in the third person as Mongo, or if Mongo was something that lived inside him and told him to lift weights, or any other details really. Evidently Mongo developed an Excel spreadsheet where you entered how much you wanted to bench press, and it calculated a series of "reps" for you to do. The first rep was like 50% of the top weight, the second 75%, and so on. Doing this series of reps became the verb "to Mongo." I have since started talking to my penis in the locker room and calling it Mongo. "Ready to shower, Mongo?" "That's all the lather you're getting today, Mongo!" And so forth.
When I heard about Mongo, I couldn't help but recall an experience Matt had. He went to the gym with a friend of his (or was it a coworker?). If I've got the details right (and if I don't -- this is the way I like to remember it), when Matt starting lifting, his friend -- we'll call him Delaney -- started loudly urging Matt on. "Get it, Matt! Pump it! You got it, man! Keep it going!" Surprised, Matt had a hard time keeping a straight face. When it was Delaney's turn, he urged himself on looking in the mirror...but with a twist. Instead of calling himself Delaney, he called himself Bear. "Come on, Bear! Let's go! One more, Bear! You can do it!" Evidently Bear was his weightlifting alter ego. I've been wondering how many weightlifting alter egos there are out there, but I suspect it's not the kind of thing you freely admit to.
I've been trying to think what mine should be. I think it has to either be an animal, something very big, or a mental disorder. Maybe I'll be Clydesdale or Butt Steak or Freakazoid or Rhino. Suggestions welcome.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
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3 comments:
How's about Jean-Claude? Scrap Goat? Archangel? Matt Wood? Harvard Yard? Mommy?
I had totally forgotten about that story. That is hi-larious. Perhaps I need a lifting alias... except I have almost totally stopped exercising. "Suck down that rhubarb pie, Basket Flopper!"
It is SO funny that to "Mongo" is reliant on the information from Excel.
Lou "Ferrigno" Martin!
Keep reminding the others at 84 that they wouldn't like you when you're angry, which I'm sure they seldom see happen. Meanwhile, investigate the nature of research in the graduate level biology labs in Morgantown. See if any are using Gamma Ray technology for progressive human genome projects. I recommend using a vintage Civil Defense Geiger counter from Ebay, or Fischer Scientific. You already know the clandestine network of interconnections of buildings in that general loation. You might access to some federally funded apparatus underground, wherein they use aforementioned acute radioactive exposure to alter your chromosomal structure to say 26 or 27 of them, at least.
I imagine it beats raw eggs & Creatine.
I know you only asked for an idea for an identity, not necessarily a strategy for a regimine, but I'm sure your friend Mongo likes to punch horses when he's bored too.
Remember, it's lifestyle more than a discipline.
Bud
Do you think the weightlifters give other people nicknames? I went to a gym for awhile a couple 5 or 10 years ago and I hit the free weights a tiny bit. Based on my performance I would guess my nickname would be something like: Cheesedick or Sweaty Balls or The Guy With The Crazy Eyes.
This makes me want to start weightlifting just so I'm not missing out on all these cool nicknames. Sounds like these ones are much cooler than poker nicknames. Maybe I can finally breathe some new life into my poker nickname that just never seemed to catch on: The Cornholer.
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